This Is How Men Cry

  • I heard a voice deep inside me like it was coming from a well, my voice so small and so deep in the ground.

    This is how men cry.

    A small ray of sun shines down from the sky and I shiver in the light Shirtless men who once dreamed of becoming baseball players now hang out from tenement windows like strong men in some weird urban circus

    Nina hasn’t called today.

    Still the girls work the corners wilting like crazy bouquets, so beautiful, so past their diva glory days. Some have been picked, some already dried and hanging upside down. Their roots exposed, they dream of the cool loving earth they will never touch again

    I think I see Nina’s face in a cafe, almost but not quite the color of her hair. And so I walk on my muttering way and wipe a piece of dust from my eye.

    This is how men cry.
    This is how we cry.


Carolina At Last

It took so much longer than I ever imagined, but I have moved from Texas to Carolina. I know I have been writing about wanting and trying to move for a long time… LOL. Thank you for your patience dear reader.

I’ve been here for about two weeks and I am pretty much settled in. I’m renting a room from an old friend in Raleigh. Gotten most of the furniture I’ll need for my stay. In fact, I have more stuff than I am used to having. I guess I knew I wouldn’t stay in San Antonio forever (even though that was the plan). Hopefully, I’ll be in Carolina for awhile. But, you never know. God has been moving me around the country all my life. Its hard to imagine that this will be the final stop.

Any way, its good to be here, to see Jess and her family. Its also good to see old friends. Most of the folks and meetings haven’t changed much, though there are (as usual with AA) lots of new faces. If all goes well, I hope that I will have some sponsees soon.

Bob (the cat) is doing much better that I had hoped. He seems pretty comfortable here. He has made a couple of friends. He has never really been around other cats. But, he’s learning to play nice… LOL.


Its been a long wait, but I’m finally moving back to Carolina in about a week. Now don’t get me wrong, its not that I’m anxious to leave Texas. I love it here and San Antonio is my all time favorite city to live in. Plus, my oldest daughter and grandson (both of whom I love dearly) live here and I will of course miss them very much. And not to mention all the friends I will miss, especially Jay, Russell, and Dick. But, with all that said, I miss my youngest daughter and I haven’t spent any time with her kids! And of course I have dear friends there too. It looks like I’ll be moving back and forth every couple of years because I’ll be missing the people I love… LOL!

For those who have been following along, this move is made possible because of my health finally stabilizing. If I continue with the medications and changes to my lifestyle, I should be OK for a long time. I really want to thank all those who prayed for me through out my ordeal.

I’m going to take my time in making the trip so I can enjoy the sites along the way. I’ll be Tweeting and Facebooking throughout the trip, if you want to follow along go, check out My Social Site for all the latest updates from the towns and rest stops along the way.

As you all know I’ve been trying to work it out so that I can move back to Carolina. But, it seems things keep coming up that keep me here in Texas. Of course my health has been the biggest issue. It is getting better, and is probably as good as its going to get for a while. I need to make sure my health is as stable as it can be before moving since the health care that I can get here is much more affordable than in Carolina

Also, I have dear friends and family here that are difficult to leave. My Oldest grandson, Ryder is here and he will be celebrating his fifth birthday. This is very big for him and my daughter, He has Dandy Walker Syndrome and the odds of him making it to 5 where very slim. But, he is doing extremely well and this birthday will definitely be cause for celebration. I don’t want to miss that time with him and my daughter.

My roommate Jay is scheduled to have surgery next week and will need someone to help him for a little while. Jay was incredibly helpful to me when I first moved to San Antonio, it’s the least I can do to stay a little while longer to help him out.

So, the current plan is that I’ll be moving at the end of February (end of March at the very latest). We’ll see, I keep making plans and God keeps laughing!

Once again I have to delay my return to Carolina. Hopefully this will be the final delay. As it turns out, my change in lifestyle (stop smoking, change of diet, exercise, etc.) has had a greater effect on my health then expected. Though, I will have to have surgery on my right leg some day, it seems that it will be possible to delay the surgery for a good while. But, I’ll have to have some more tests on my vascular system to be sure. The tests are the cause of my delay since they can’t be done till late January. So, barring any unexpected results from the tests, I should be back by Groundhogs Day! LOL.

I’ve heard it said that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. So, I’m trying to keep a sense of humor about all this. But, I have to admit, in so many other ways, life is going much better than expected. And, to spend a little while longer with my friends and family here in San Antonio is certainly a good thing!

With the birth of Emily, my newest grandchild, I’m really feeling the pressure to be in Carolina by Christmas! My last surgery is tentatively scheduled for the 20th of December. If all goes well I’ll be on the road shortly after that. I do miss everyone there so much and look forward to seeing Emily. Of course, I have the dilemma of missing everyone here in Texas when I get to Carolina… LOL! But what a great dilemma, to love and be loved by so many people in so many places. I guess it’s a great excuse to travel.

Health Update: My next surgery should take care of my P.A.D. for at least a few of years (2-5) as long as I continue to take care of my self. Diet, exercise, meds and no more smoking should do the trick.

Carolina by Christmas

I found out that instead of a stint in my right leg, I will need a by-bass. The procedure is scheduled for mid December. Hopefully, if all goes well I will then be able to move back to Carolina by Christmas. Really looking forward to seeing all my friends and family there. Of course, I’m going to miss my Texas friends and family very much. I guess I’m going to have to travel back and forth as often as I can.